


Colossus

by albatrost



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AGC - Freeform, Alternate Universe, Arumika Week 2019, F/M, Fantastic, here it is, not as horny as y'all were hoping for but here you go, this is me atoning, this is so stupid im laughignsnsdj
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-10-26 08:02:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20738924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/albatrost/pseuds/albatrost
Summary: “You don’t understand,” Eren emphatically shook his head, still looking somewhat shaken. “The word she used wasgargantuan.”Prompt fill for Arumika Week Day 7: ...AGC





	Colossus

**Author's Note:**

> Gonna be honest, when I submitted the prompt "Armin's Gargantuan Cock" it was just to get a laugh out of Rachel and I DIDN'T THINK Y'ALL WOULD ACTUALLY VOTE FOR IT but here we are... and aren't we so much better for it??? That being said... this is probably not the prime horny tier content you would expect from me probably, but STILL, it's a good time! Hope y'all enjoy!!

“I… don’t know, Eren,” Jean raised a skeptical brow, leaned forward on the sofa and rested his elbows on his knees. “Are you sure you didn’t hear her wrong? I don’t mean that as a slight to Armin, like at all, but… the hugest she’s ever seen, or whatever? That… sounds fake? It doesn’t even sound like something she’d say.”

“You don’t understand,” Eren emphatically shook his head, still looking somewhat shaken. “The word she used was _gargantuan_.”

At that, Ymir bit down on her thumbnail with a smile, shoulders quivering a bit with the strain it took to keep from snorting. She peeked over at Historia’s unsettled expression, choked back a snide remark, and went back to watching Eren’s nearly panicked hand gestures. 

The matter at hand—which seemed dire enough to Eren that he’d decided to seek council from their entire friend group—was a snippet of conversation from a phone call he’d taken that morning from Mikasa. She and Armin had spent the weekend visiting his grandpa at his farmhouse—and while the view from the foothills was spectacular, mist-swathed mountaintops looming indigo over the horizon, the cell service wasn’t.

“Look, okay, I know it was cutting out—you don’t have to believe me—but I swear to _god_, I heard her say ‘the biggest cock I’ve ever seen’, verbatim.”

Connie and Sasha exchanged a loaded and confused glance, both squeezed into an armchair together. The room was silent for a moment or two after his outburst, before Connie tentatively cleared his throat. “...Well, uh, is it, Eren?”

The brunette paused, furrowed his brows. “Huh?”

“Is it… gargantuan?” Connie asked, face mirroring Eren’s concern.

“Wait, what—I don’t—why would _I_ know that?” Eren countered somewhat pitiably. When Connie just leveled him with a telling blank stare, wide hazel eyes saying everything he wouldn’t, Eren just groaned.

“Oh my god, _no_, okay—why would I have seen Armin’s dick? Do you think that we—” Eren’s train of thought skidded to a halt abruptly when he noticed everyone else in the room was either conveniently avoiding eye contact with him or squinting at each other dubiously.

Expression tired, Eren mumbled flatly, “Does… does everyone in this room just assume that I’ve fucked Armin, or—”

“Well, we don’t think you are _now_, since he’s dating Mikasa,” Sasha chimed in unhelpfully. “But I mean, just—you and Armin have always been great… uh... friends—”

“There aren’t enough ‘no homo’s in the world,” Connie butted in none too gently.

“—and knowing you personally, it seemed weirder that you _wouldn’t_ have sucked Armin’s dick—”

“Why would he be asking us if he’d already seen it?” Historia frowned. “Like why would Mikasa saying that surprise him at all, if he was already sucking Armin’s gargantuan dick, or whatever?”

“Unless the reason he’s distressed _isn’t_ because of the gargantuan cock—”

“—I am literally begging all of you to stop saying the word gargantuan,” Jean all but pleaded, brows knit plaintively.

“—but because he never wanted Mikasa to know, and then he’d get to keep the gargantuan cock all to himself—”

“And he’d keep that secret by telling all of us and having a crisis in the living room?” Historia lifted a brow and sighed.

“Mm, good point…” Sasha mumbled as she slouched, before shrugging. “Plus, Mikasa and Armin have already been dating for a while… Eren’s plan would’ve failed months ago, Connie.”

The twist in Eren’s lip hinted that some exasperation was simmering up inside of him, and he opened his mouth in protest—before Ymir popped the lid with her own distracting question, and his frustration bubbled off.

“Well, yeah, on that topic, they’ve been dating for months, right?” the freckled girl raised an eyebrow doubtfully, crossed her arms. “And you’re telling us, what, that they waited until now to bone it out? Like, _pfft_—like grandpappy’s house really set the mood, and they couldn’t resist, and their first thought immediately afterwards was ‘better let Eren know about this’?”

“I dunno, Ymir, some people like to take it slow,” Historia shrugged sympathetically, reaching into the bag of cheese puffs her girlfriend had clutched in her palm.

“I reckon you’re not counting yourself in some people,” Ymir mumbled to herself, fishing around in the bag with a loud crinkle and lifting her hand to her mouth—before Historia slapped her on the wrist hard enough for her handful of cheetos to spill through her fingers, and Ymir whined as they fell onto the carpet.

“I mean, seriously though, Eren, that doesn’t even make sense. Why would Mikasa call you to tell you that?” Jean cut in, still looking as confused as ever.

“God, I don’t know,” Eren groaned. “That’s part of why I’m freakin’ out here, yeah? I don’t know why she would… but I heard what I heard.”

Sasha folded her hands pensively in front of her lips, murmured so quietly that it was nearly indiscernible, “That massive cock changed her...”

Blinking a little despondently at Sasha’s reaction, Eren and Jean exchanged a glance, before Jean cleared his throat.

“Uh… _anyways_… they already said they were heading back from Armin’s grandpa’s this afternoon, so they’ll probably be back soon, right? Just ask her yourself. It’s probably a misunderstanding.”

The brunette reluctantly nodded, still looking a bit agitated, and sat down on the carpet, leaning onto the coffee table and propping his chin in his hand. The conversation wavered away from the matter at hand, undulated in little digressions, but always found its way back—sometimes in the form of skeptics and believers arguing about whether or not Armin was actually packing, for example—or a brief tangent during which everyone debated what size actually warranted the title ‘gargantuan’. Through all of it Eren stared steadfastly at the coffee table, wondering if the speculation he had summoned in the room wasn’t making everything worse, but a little too haunted by Mikasa’s words to care.

Although the heated discussion in the room faded to white noise in his mind, he heard crystal clear the muffled crunch of gravel beneath tires, heard the low thrum of an engine outside. Eren whipped his head up, viridian eyes trained eagerly on the door.

“I think they’re back,” he mumbled out—interrupting Jean’s claim that a certifiable gargantuan cock had to be over a foot long, and that that would look insane attached to Armin’s body—and got to his feet, padding toward the door.

Sure enough, seconds later, a jingle of keys and the click of the lock rang out, and the door swung open as Mikasa stepped inside. She was quick to greet Eren with a tight hug, wrapping her arms around his back, and he squeezed back tightly.

“Hey,” a grin split his face once they had finally drawn apart. “How was the visit? Did the car ride back treat you alright?”

“_So_ much fun,” she smiled softly—didn’t notice Eren’s tense, wide-eyed expression as he nodded, lips pressed tightly together at her response—and added, “And the ride wasn’t too bad, either. I let Armin drive on the way back… I nearly made myself carsick on the way up actually, with all the winding roads.”

“Where is Armin?” Eren likely asked a little too quickly, peeking past her shoulder—and the door still hadn’t budged. Mikasa was looking past Eren too, once she noticed the voices coming from the living room.

“He’s unloading the car,” Mikasa answered simply. “I’ll probably go and help him in a second—I didn’t realize everyone was over here…”

She drifted past him into the next room, and he followed hot on her heels—and if there was any time to clarify what exactly she had meant on the phone, it was probably before Connie or Sasha intervened with their own sets of questions, and before his other best friend came in, so he wouldn’t have to ask Armin himself.

A chorus of greetings, alongside some fond hugs, were exchanged once she entered the room—Eren biding time anxiously amid the pleasantries. It was only once Ymir pressed forward with a little too much innuendo that Eren scrambled to intercede.

“So, Mikasa, how was it?” the brunette girl cheesed with a nearly lupine grin. “Was the trip really fulfilling? Massively, hugely fulfilling? Did it fill you with joy—just, like, stretched to the brim with good experiences—”

“Mikasa, _hey_, there was actually something I was meaning to ask you about,” the words burst from Eren’s mouth in a rush of air, and he lifted a hand to clasp the back of his neck sheepishly.

Someone stifled a snort at his frantic reaction, and Mikasa just looked at him expectantly. And the longer she stared, the more heat he felt rising to his cheeks, face a guilty carmine.

“So you, um, you called me this morning,” he started, wide-eyed.

The black-haired girl nodded back evenly.

“A-and, uh, it was cutting out—like the service was bad, so I couldn’t hear exactly what you said,” Eren managed, meandering toward a question with more grace than he thought he could muster in these circumstances—and everyone in the room had gone suspiciously quiet to hear him say it. “But you said, um, that something… was gargantuan… so I wanted to ask what that, ah, noun was. Just for clarification.”

Squinting at him in confusion, Mikasa turned the words over carefully in her head—and it was harder to catch his meaning and snag onto the memory while he was still nervously talking, stammering out, “And I uh, assumed you meant it… about Armin, given the context, and I um, I don’t know if I—”

All at once Mikasa’s ink-black eyes widened as she recollected something, and he saw her lips mouth something that looked like ‘gargantuan cock’—and her eyes swept over the room of curious and anxious expressions, over Eren’s deep embarrassed flush, as the pieces began to fit neatly together in her head. She clapped a hand over her mouth, and the realization of what Eren was trying to say shattered over her, sharp as glass.

“Oh—oh my _god_, Eren,” she was shaking her head, chin quivering as something bubbled up in her—before an incredulous laugh burst out of her mouth. “We were talking about _chickens_.”

“...Wait, what?” Eren muttered, face blank, as Mikasa all but wheezed in spite of herself.

She nodded almost apologetically, eyes crinkled at the corners as she laughed, and barely managed, “There’s—_pfft_—there’s a chicken coop on the side of his grandpa’s house now, and we got up early to feed them. Armin and I—we were _intentionally_ joking about the roosters. Like, we were calling them cocks and joking around back and forth on _purpose_, I didn’t realize you—that you couldn’t hear and you thought—”

Eren was, if possible, even redder after hearing the innocuous explanation—and as Mikasa’s amusement died down, the rest of the room’s hysterics swelled up again, much to Eren’s mortification. And Mikasa’s smile fell and she blinked as she listened to the commentary—and even if Eren’s misinterpretation was funny, in its own way, the increasingly evident fact that he had shared this with their friends wasn’t something she’d been prepared for.

“Well, damn,” Ymir sighed almost whimsically, feigning disappointment. Historia was trying hard _not_ to laugh as Ymir slung an arm around her—the only one in the room making an effort, it seemed—and Jean rolled his eyes at the spectacle she was making as he lifted his water glass to his lips. “False alarm on the big dick, then. Pity.”

Mikasa blinked in surprise, then—a sheepish dusting of pink on her cheeks as she mumbled out earnestly, “...Well I didn’t say _that_.”

Jean slapped a hand over his mouth as water sprayed out of his nose. Conversation skidded to a halt, slammed on squealing brakes—and half the room whipped their heads up in double takes, eyes wide and mouths popped open—and even though Eren was already redder than a vine-ripe tomato, he still felt his face getting hotter, because this was an entirely _different_ kind of mortification.

“Wait, _what_,” he mumbled, eyes wide.

“I wouldn’t use the word… gargantuan,” her eyebrows slanted, and her lips quirked up at the edges when she forced the word out. Coached her expression blank as she shrugged. “But I mean, it’s, um… significant. Sizeable. Does the trick. Like Sasha would say, it’ll ‘git ‘er done’.”

And Jean was now very intently focused on drinking his glass of water, staring down at the coffee table direly—and the sound of Sasha choking on her own spit was drowned out by Ymir’s stretched-out holler of “_yoooo_” as she straight-up dropped the bag of snacks onto the floor. Eren had come to the realization, all at once, that he wanted very badly _not_ to know this, despite the nosy speculation he’d started himself.

“Do you want to know how big, Eren?” she asked flatly, lifting a delicate brow—addressing him rather than the rest of the room—and he was quick to shake his head, the rapid gesture and the flush of blood in his cheeks making him dizzy as he stammered.

“No—no, I really—I really _don’t_ wanna know—”

“I can show you how big,” she plopped down to sit on the footrest, and he dropped to his knees with her, looking every bit a desperate suppliant at the mercy of the gods. She lifted her hands, “I could give you some approximate measurements—”

His hands flew up over hers, closing them into fists, and he tried to lower them as he all but pleaded, “Oh my _god_, Mikasa no—”

She pushed her hands up against his, and he struggled to push them back down—tried and failed again and again, and something both pitiful and panicked rang out in his voice as he asked, “Why are you telling me this? And why _now_?” 

The frantic implication of ‘in front of all their friends’ went unspoken.

She pried one of her hands away from his with ease and used it to gesture to the room. “I’m saving you the trouble of having to share the details you think you’ve learned about our sex life with all of our friends. Now everyone can know, isn’t that great?”

And he’d know that sarcastic edge to her voice anywhere—just as well as he knew that she was a private person, in a lot of ways—and he realized she was more peeved about his gossiping than he thought.

“Christ, Mikasa, I’m sorry—I’m sorry, okay?”

And she raised her eyebrows, looking unimpressed as he apologized over and over again, before she flatly mumbled, “Uh huh. Seems like you were really eager to talk about it earlier. Why don’t you wanna know anymore?”

Nearly pouting—and still struggling to shove her hands down into her lap—he cried out, “Why would I _want_ to know? I don’t actually wanna, y’know, be able to picture it when you guys are—when you’re fuckin’—” he shrugged weakly, like he didn’t want to say it—looked like he might be sweating—before he realized the adjective and verb were interchangeable. “When you’re fuckin’, uh—well… yeah, when you’re fucking.”

And he thought that was a perfectly reasonable thing to ask—because he _didn’t_ want anything that helped him envision his two best friends having sex—but apparently Mikasa was feeling particularly relentless.

“Hm,” she hummed. “Great, so the next time you _don’t_ want to think about me going down on Armin—”

“Stop, _stop_, oh my god Mikasa ew, I’m literally begging you to stop—”

“—or the next time you _don’t_ want to think about him rawing me into a mattress—”

“I’m sorry, about him doing _what—_”

“—then for your best viewing purposes it would help you to know that he’s—”

“There’s no way you just told me that. There’s no way you actually just said that to me, with your mouth.”

“—mm, maybe about this big around?” she ripped one hand easily from his grasp, and he wondered if she’d just been toying with him all along while pretending to struggle. The other hand followed shortly after—and his hands were still weakly slapping at hers, trying and failing to tug them back down—and everyone in the room without a view had started unsubtly craning around to see while Eren tried his best to obscure it—and she deadpanned, “I’d say maybe about this big around, maybe this long—”

“Stop, _STOP_—oh my god.” 

He brought a hand up to his mouth in surprise—and however she had been spacing her hands was enough for him to forget his qualms altogether, mumbling out a terribly curious, “...Is it _really_?”

Mikasa nodded and laughed quietly in spite of herself, mouthed out a “yeah”.

“You’re messing with me,” Eren shook his head, barked out a laugh. “There’s no way you’re not fucking with me right now—look, see? You’re laughing.”

“I’m dead serious,” she smiled, a bit of a wry edge to it.

“You’re fucking with me.”

“I’m not.”

And his face started to fall, because she was just as unendearingly honest as he knew her to be, and he could tell just from that seriousness in her eyes, regardless of what playful or amused expression she donned, that she wasn’t lying to him.

“...I hate this,” he eventually mumbled out, eyes still wide, and he folded his hands over his mouth pensively.

“I don’t,” she answered, which made everything worse.

“I, uh, I didn’t see,” Connie butted into the conversation, eyes wide at his admission and sounding a bit too interested.

Mikasa was swift to turn, hands raising thoughtlessly—before Eren’s hands clapped firmly over hers again.

“We don’t need a refresher!” he called out, sounding a little frenzied, to wrestle her hands back down again—while everyone in the room was still fixated on the shapes she was trying to make—and this was precisely the state Armin found them in when he strolled in front of the doorway.

“Hey, everyone,” he called out and laughed. “What’s going on?”

They hadn’t heard him enter above the commotion—and he stood in the kitchen with assorted bags, unzipped the one that was strung over his shoulder. He had a fair view of a portion of the living room… or at least of Mikasa and Eren hand-wrestling on the floor while everyone surrounded them in rapt fixation.

Mikasa swallowed, did acquiesce and drop her hands then—and when everyone was silent, conspicuously blinking at him, she cleared her throat. “What were we talking about, Eren?”

Eren’s gulp was even louder than hers—and he scanned the room for help, but to no avail. He did notice, however, that Jean had run out of water in his glass, and had picked up Eren’s glass next, still intently drinking in hopes he wasn’t called on. Eren turned back to Armin—tried excruciatingly hard to keep his gaze on his face, and managed, “Roosters.”

“Huh, that’s funny,” Armin breathed out a laugh, not seeming to notice that anything was amiss. He kept unloading snacks from the bag onto the kitchen counter—ones they probably hadn’t finished on the road trip, which he planned to restock the pantry with. “There was actually this enormous rooster—”

“We know,” Eren stuttered out too fast, and this did get Armin’s attention. The blonde glanced up, looking puzzled.

“I told him all about it,” Mikasa remedied, smiled warmly, reassuringly—and Eren nodded numbly along, looking for all the world like the shell of the man he once was.

“Yep. She definitely did.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading LMAO ♡
> 
> Feedback from y'all means the world to me! I hope y'all enjoyed this, and that everyone had a fun Arumika Week!


End file.
